Hi you, my dearest love and friend. It is this day again. The first time you miss your big celebration. It is Silly and me now sitting in our apartment. The night has gone longer and quieter. But I start to gain more warmth and strength thinking about you. At least i try to think more of the sunny days we had together.
You know how hard it is to write something to you now. Time seems only to bring bad news at the moment. It must be great to be a dead man. I cannot say that i envy you for being dead. I do appreciate life and everything it brought along, all the memories, good or bad. But damn, it must be so much easier for you now. You are a lucky man among the unluckiest, Andreas. You should be here now with all of us, complaining about the world’s pains and sorrows. You would be so angry knowing Trump has yet again been elected, FrP gaining momentums, and me still not seeming to care much about politics. No, you wouldnt complain. You would just be annoyed. I know you too well.
59 years old. You just couldnt wait to become 60. You said you love these round year birthday parties. It turned out that you did not bother to have another one. You got your 40s and 50s and you got me from one of them. I guess it paid off somehow for you already. Now you see people are still sending loves to you, and you should be proud of being who you are. We are. You are the greatest person i ever know of, in almost every way. It is not your death that makes it great, you know?! You should undo the process if that was the case. Nah, you are a rebel, aren't you?
Decades of misunderstandings, pains and loneliness had only made you into a fighter for principles, justice and love. Where did you get all that energy from? You must have ADHD, i suspected.
But What a man you are! What a honor to have had you in my life. It was probably the luckiest thing that can possibly happen to me, to run into your life. Am I too greedy to want to have it a bit longer? Maybe. You did not want us to feel sad about your passing. You said that. And I want you to know, tears do not only indicate sadness, as it can also be love and happiness. Sadness may be part of it, but in the end it is the happiness that makes the loss a bit bitter. It is not totally sad.
Anyway, it is your 60th birthday today, and I want to send my deepest love to you. I will cook your favorite Spaghetti Bolognese for dinner tonight and enjoy it with a glass of Valpolicella from Pasqua. I will have a good night, as peaceful as yours now.
I will always think about me and you.
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