Life Is But a Dream

 Hi, inspired by Fiona, I have got myself a monthly to-do-list before I am turning 40. The idea is to do something totally new or not typically me in the period of 12 months before October 2026. This month my challenge is Digital Fasting. Some call it digital detoxing. Well I think fasting is a more positive and precise word. Today is day 1 and let's see how this will go. "See" you in a while.

Today our dear friend Ralf went on his way to becoming dust in the universe. Everything was a bit too peaceful this morning. The day was bright, still but a bit cold. The house is full, fireplace lit, music on, people waking up, dogs wandering around. I was playing magic for the first time with Torb and Bjørn. There came the heavy breath suddenly from him. The breaks became longer and longer and the silence getting louder.  It did not last too long until we realized that the last breaths were coming close. It reminded me of the last few moments of Andreas. He has not eaten anything for more than three days. I can imagine the weakness he bore. Weirdly the effort to breath did not sound desperate as one may suspect. And it did not seem that he was trying to live longer or he just became too weak to try. It must be hard, but the process appeared rather peaceful, unlike the people around him.  This is a truly sad day, even though he wanted us to celebrate his life rather than...

Losing myself, looking at a tree the tree does not respond Up standing in the quiet autumn brisk, majestically Taking in all the glories of the morning cold and darkness  Still - like no witness presents like the darkness itself or blinding light Cows wander far away whispering to people sleeping tight And the tree only reveals deep memories A night owl breaks the silence The dark blue bleeds into red and orange It is someone's blood or kiss or both  a man is missed a man as majestic as the tree rooting deep for the soft part of the world water drains down the sun kills all the sweet dreams nov, 2025

 - in memory of A It is 02 January 2025, one year after A passed away. I did not plan to write anything intially.  It's been a hectic day, mostly with the cabin stuff. I went to the cabin yesterday and stayed overnight for the first time since the extension project was finished in October. Everything (old and new) worked, except the cold weather. It was not cozy and I had to pack up everything again after one night. Silly never complained and she just followed along. This day is special, but somehow I lost a bit of my enery to live it like it is special. I occupied myself with shopping trips to Ikea and Jysk for the cabin, listening to comedy podcast episodes that I have listened to for at least two times, or browsing boring news. I somehow did not want to keep my brain clear or idle. The snow today actually managed to slow down many things. On my way home, I passed the Byhagen nursing home A lived in his last months. The snow and traffic stopped me right beside it. It is prob...

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."    - Bernard M. Baruch

Hi you, my dearest love and friend. It is this day again. The first time you miss your big celebration. It is Silly and me now sitting in our apartment. The night has gone longer and quieter. But I start to gain more warmth and strength thinking about you. At least i try to think more of the sunny days we had together.  You know how hard it is to write something to you now. Time seems only to bring bad news at the moment. It must be great to be a dead man. I cannot say that i envy you for being dead. I do appreciate life and everything it brought along, all the memories, good or bad. But damn, it must be so much easier for you now. You are a lucky man among the unluckiest, Andreas. You should be here now with all of us, complaining about the world’s pains and sorrows. You would be so angry knowing Trump has yet again been elected, FrP gaining momentums, and me still not seeming to care much about politics. No, you wouldnt complain. You would just be annoyed. I know you too well. 59...

Have you dreamed of two friends, finally trying to be bloody honest with each other and starting a true-to-heart dialogue. Finally, you two get to talk about the real things that matter, and you start dreaming of the true connections that have been missing. Each other taking off the masks they have been wearing, and getting away the peer pressures of being a happy, positive and easy-going person. Then the other spit out a dirty thought that has been buried deep in their mind, and would have never been known by any other, not even their dog, but you start to judge them in your mind right away. Human is so weird. It maybe too arrogant to think that you are ready for any truth 

I dreamed of you last night smiling at me like nothing happened me looking at you, echo in my eyes trying to grab you my apologies mixed with salt pushed me out of the dream the silence of midnight knocking on the window Silly being curious, staring at my direction a moment worth gold you were on the edge of comforting me but kept quiet through the light of your eyes I saw love and tranquility every single day the same mountain I climbed the practice I practiced throwing myself again and again off the cliff hoping you to catch me you were not there you have become the mountain the mountain of my weakness longing for a cure it is weak and it is strong it is there illustrating what love is and where I belong Aug 7, 2024

It was the first time I actually traveled back to China more than once a year. This time was for my niece who just finished her high school, a period all Chinese students are traumatized by. She did ok with the university entrance exam, the only exam that matters in terms of university applications. What an odd system, but it is probably the only way that works in the complex context of China.  Anyway, she is done with the exam and we were relatively happy with the results she got. The rest of tasks were to find out which school and subject she is about to apply. It was not an easy task for someone who has spent her whole life in school with little side projects ongoing. Suddenly in the hot summer of 2024 in Fuzhou, she was forced to join in a discussion where she has the least to contribute to. In fact, she did have some opinions on what not to study, such as biology- and chemistry-related subjects. She blamed it for her lack of natural interests and a little bit of phobia of bloo...

— in memory of A — So many things are happening in the world. UK is struggling to get hold of Norwegian gas because of a leakage on a gas exporting platform. Japan is busy explaining why their proud car markers are cheating on safety tests. While some of my friends and colleagues decided to travel to Svalbard to see the midnight son and dangerous animals. on my side, things have been a bit too quiet in the past weeks.  Speaking of Svalbard, I was reminded that the last time A flied to Svalbard to collect sea water for the Mini Museum Oceans collection project. He's been collecting the various versions of the mini museums since the whole things started in the first place. He was even invited by the founder once to visit his studio in Washington D.C. as well as a smithsonian museum tour. The founder is Swedish and I guess they found lots of Nordic connections during the whole trip. A got to hand make his own mini museum and even sealed his and the founder's hair in the block. It ...

— in memory of A — Do you remember a specific year that made the most impression out of all? I never really thought about the topic until lately. I sat down to it, and started to browse through my Google photos. What else would you do?!  It is probably 2011 or 2017. 2011 was the year I decided to make a change to my life, and for the first time in my life I started to seriously consider moving to another country for my own sake. Norway came into my sight for some reason. My fellow friends and colleagues asked about why i came here sometimes, and I often blamed it to DNV, which I worked with back in my early career days as a structure engineer. The truth is that I do not really remember. Probably for a few video clips I saw somewhere, showing how nice the country is, both in terms of landscape and culture. It was truly an innocent and lucky choice. I was somehow very determined at the time. There was never even a backup plan.  The thing I was certain of was that I needed to mak...

First time been to the National museum in Oslo after it opened in 2022. A short 1.5 hours visit, while I was waiting for Nina and Karo. Cool arts of all sorts and definitely recommend it. It costed over 6 billion NOK taxer payers money to build. So go check it out next time you are in Oslo.                                                  

Like Bojack Horseman very much and came across this beautiful song at the end of season 3  

  — in memory of A — Found some of A's old posts on love, friendship, religion and being busy with things A Life in the World of Andreas (spirous.blogspot.com) Thursday, June 20th, 1996 One thing makes me wonder.... actually several things make me wonder, but now it's this thing. Friends can't understand how I love, my former girlfriend left me several years ago and since I still love her it's not possible to find somebody else. Then they try to help me by saying I have to go on, forget her and find somebody else. I try to tell them that feelings doesn't work like that for me, if I love somebody it's 100%. I can't help it, I just have to learn to live with that. Bad luck for me if the one I end up loving does not love me back.... It scares me when people talk about love as something that can be controlled or talked about as something rational. People try to tell me they have loved someone just as strong as I have, but when their love was not returned they st...